No Contest

This is the fourth or fifth ninja cake I’ve been asked to make recently, as opposed to the solitary pirate cake I’ve produced in all these years. One wonders, why are ninjas so much cooler than pirates? Well, leave it to the Internet to solve this mystery. Here you have it, courtesy of this fabulous site, where you can also discover Misconceptions about Ninjas and Pirates, 10 of the Greatest Pop Culture Ninjas Ever, etc.

7) When a ninja falls in the forest, he NEVER makes a sound! Ninjas are silent and stealthy. Pirates are loud and obnoxious. Also, being silent gives the ninja the upper hand on sneak attacks.

6) A Pirate without his weapon is nothing. The only thing that makes a pirate valuable in battle is his weapon. A ninja can kill someone with his bare hands and is skilled in katanas, sais, bo-staffs and other nifty ninja weapons. A ninja is therefore much deadlier than any pirate.

5) A Ninja outwits. A Pirate out-stabs. If a pirate ever ends up killing anyone, it’s generally because he was lucky. He jabbed at his opponent the most often and finally got a hit with his cutlass. A ninja, on the other hand, is a master of mind games. He cleverly outwits his opponent to gain the upper hand. He is also better at Sudoku puzzles.

4) Chuck Norris. Yes, the ninjas claim Chuck Norris. Sorry, pirates.

3) Ninjas have better comic books. I hate to say it, but nearly every superhero has some sort of ninja training. Case in point: Batman. Batman is pretty bad ass, and really difficult to top in the superhero world. But I shall try with my second example: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Now, I’m not saying that this fearsome foursome marks higher on the coolness scale than the Dark Knight, but one has to admit that they are pretty cool. Whether we stick with the old school comics, or the funny 90s cartoon, or the dark 2003 series, everyone loves the TNMT. Less impressively, Robin, aka Nightwing, also has extensive ninja training, as seen in the comic series “Teen Titans.” As for the web comic world, we have plenty of hilarious comics, such as The White Ninja or Dr. McNinja. That’s right. He’s a doctor AND a ninja.

2) Ninjas are Masters. Pirates are Drunks. It does not take very much to become a pirate. All you have to do is chop off your leg, gouge out your eye, and get really drunk. But it takes years to master the art of the ninja. Ninjas are Zen. Ninjas are wise. Ninjas meditate. What do pirates do? Swagger around on the deck of their filthy ships, drunkenly slice people’s legs off and poke their eyes out with their long cutlasses.

1) Ask A Ninja. A man who can answer ANYTHING.